FOR THE MUSIC!
Hello. How have you been? Are you still out there? Where are you right now? What is your experience? I kinda like thinking that you’re out there, silently reading. Bobbing your head to something that makes you experience something. I have a lot of escapes. Music is the main one. My wife and my family are another. Lego’s, Netflix and video games. What do you use to escape?
Ok, that may have come across as dark or out of left field. Truth is, I have really been relying on my escapes a lot lately and I realize I never really take any time to focus on myself. Now, I don’t mean spending time playing music, online or the things I mentioned above, I mean really take time to focus on ME. Who I am, and what I need, even on a basic level, that I let slide over and over.
Truth is I don’t really think about me as, me. Does that make sense? My whole daily life is played over and over on a loop in my head. Constantly checking to make sure I am doing things right. I, David, as a person and human body with a life that people interact with is the subject of review rather than a construct. I rarely look at myself in the mirror. I don’t obsess over weight gain or wrinkles. Gray hair and my beard are the only things I recently noticed about myself but it leaves my mind the moment I step away from the mirror.
I guess I don’t really find myself that interesting, honestly. I mean I’m cool and friendly but so are a lot of people. And I’m not fishing for compliments. I know I have great qualities and I am learning to accept praise and compliments but it’s not that I strive to be a certain way because I like being that way as a person. If I have a unique trait or characteristic, it’s there on it’s own. I didn’t strive to become.
Maybe I am being hysterical and I really have been distracted by life rather than living it. Exhausted by the idea of personal growth due to diving too deep in the past causing PTDS and burn out. Concerned by the lack of interest in myself. Is it possible for an extrovert to turn into an introvert?
Adore Mucho
For the music